OneHundredAndOne Uses for an Insane Ranger
by Mako Streak
Summary: This is the story of an obsese Paladin, a Search obsessive Rogue, a tough talking dwarf, a skeptical Druid, and cookie obsessed, more than slightly mad Ranger and their literally insane campaigns.
1. Mako Coming!

The Ranger slipped silently through the trees, her elfin eyes glinting. Below her, an unwary, unsuspecting, and very fat paladin stood under the tree, talking to his companions, a dwarf, a half-elf rogue, and an elfin Druid…

Her eyes narrowed. She would only have one chance at this. She gripped the branch silently with her long fingers and tucked her bow back. The eagle on her shoulder gave her a knowing glance and hopped off.

Bunching her muscles, the ranger leaped.

* * *

Smedley the obese Paladin shook his head. "I don't know, she's been missing for hours now… Gar, where could she be?"

"Murdered by rabid humans," the Druid suggesting hopefully. "Or better yet, whisked off by some random cruel meat-eating human and-"

"CCCCOOOOOKKKIIIIEEEE!" screeched a voice overhead. Gegnar the dwarf was tackled to the ground as "she" flew out of the trees, cackling maniacally.

The Ranger struck a pose atop of the fallen dwarf, holding her giant terra cotta cookie jar up with both hands. "COOKIECOOKIECOOKIE!"

Smedley cracked as smile and the elfin Ranger proceeded to do her Happy-Happy-Cookie dance atop of the armored dwarf. "We found Mako!"

Mako the Elfin Ranger continued to do the Happy-Happy-Cookie dance, singing along too:

"Cookie Cookie Happy Cookie Cookie Happy Happy Happy!"

"Mako!" the Druid pulled Mako off of the Dwarf.

Mako grinned maniacally. "Cookie!" The eagle flew out of the tree and landed on her head, beak open as if in a mad grin.

The Rogue carefully picked up Mako by the collar and proceeded to hold her against the slightly mad attempts of redoing the Happy-Happy-Cookie dance.

"Come on, back to town."

* * *

Back at the Horseshoe Inn, the group pushed their way through the crowd.

Actually, they freaked out their way through the crowd, considering that this was one of the times that a slightly loony Ranger came in handy.

"Coo! Coo! Cookie!" Mako screeched, latching her arms around a burly, heavy-set orc. The orc froze, looked at Mako's big crazy eyes, and ran away screaming, creating an interesting spectacle of, well, an orc running and screaming. Finally, having reached the bar, Mako sat down on the bar itself and put her cookie jar on the stool. She sniffed.

"Eee, eee, strange bar here, they make the tables lower than the chairs."

Gegnar opened his moneybag to buy drinks and scowled. "Kaii, have yer bin stealin me gold 'gain?"

The Rogue shook her head. "Why?"

"'Cause we seem ter be runnin' pretty low on gold."

The Druid eyed them skeptically. "How much do we have left?"

The dwarf turned the bag upside down as half a moldy-cookie fell out with a dead moth and a few weevils. "Not much."

"COOKIE!" Mako screeched, leaping off the bar and scooping up the moldy cookie-half and cramming it up Gegnar's nose, watching him splutter. "COOKIE!"

Kaii groaned. "Come on, let's go find a job."

* * *

Just to clarify things, this is based on a campaign done by me, John (the DM), Kaii, Reeni, Gegnar, and Smedley.

This is my first none-FFTA story published, I'm hoping that it'll be a success!

Please do review!

-MakoStreak


	2. Camp Crestberon

**Wanted: **

Crestberon CampTroopleader

Location: Crestberon Camp (see Flagra Firabern for details)

Description: _We need a Troopleader for Troop Eaglets. Troop Eaglets consist of mostly the children of Paladins,mostly Drwarven, Elfin, or Human,but a few hobgoblin children Beserkers. All under the age of 12, in their individual race years._

Requirements: _Must have a sense of humor, preferably one that can tolerate high levels of gruesome things from the hobgoblins. Bring your own fire-proof suit and pair of razor, acid-resistant tongs._

**WARNING! **We are **NOT **responsible for any damages to body, memory, or sanity, nor are we liable for any revenge plots and curse-spells.

**BRING A CREATURE!**

"Okay, Gegnar, we have a job for you."

Gegnar scowled. "What?"

"You'll need a creature... Hmm... Cats?"

"Naw! I haete cats!"

"Then..." Smedley's eyes fell on Mako...

_

* * *

_

Gegnar tugged hard on the leash. "C'mon Mako, we're never gonna get there in time!"

Mako whined. CookieCookieFlyingCookie had been left with Tree-Tree and Fatty-Cookie and Slippy-Cookie. That was fine, but then who would go with her on her cookie exploits? Mako whined again but submissively followed the dwarf forward.

Gegnar scowled. "C'mon yer lil' beastie! I hate this as much as you do," he told her. "Come on, I bet they have cookie at whatever."

* * *

Crestberon Camp was situated in the midst of a large, pristine forest that was probably inhabited by goblins, cutthroats, thieves, bandits, haughty elves, annoying fairies, giant awful monsters that jump out at you from little holes, talking rocks, flesh-eating squirrels, and all that. It was a wonderful sight to behold! ...Other than the fact that they were hiking up a the side of an extremely rocky and uphill terrain also known as "big rocky mountain." 

Finally, with the minimal interruption of goblins, cutthroats, thieves, bandits, haughty elves, annoying fairies, giant awful monsters that jump out at you from little holes, talking rocks, flesh-eating squirrels, and all that, they reached

Crestberon Camp.

A lady Paladin eyed them as they approached. "Who ye be, friend or foe?"

Gegnar mustered up a reply. "Troop leader."

Her delicate brows furrowed. "Ye speak that, yet you may lie-"

Mako provided a better and truthful response. "I'M MAKO-COOKIE!"

Gegnar sighed. "Sorry 'mam, she's a tad bit nutty, my, er... Creature..." He happened to glance at once at groups of children standing at the windows of the cabins.

"By the Goddess's light," someone said, "They suck!"

* * *

Thank you for all the reviews!Reviews mean a lot to me- they are my gasoline...

Well, the Cookie-Cookie dance is something to emphathise Mako's insane playfulness and sense of insanity. As a side note, Mako will be sprouting up all sorts of random stuff which is implied what it really is, like take this sentence for an example: _CookieCookieFlyingCookie had been left with Tree-Tree and Fatty-Cookie and Slippy-Cookie. _CookieCookieFlyingCookie can fly, so the only creature so far that is important to Mako and can fly is her eagle, and Tree-Tree, well, probably is the enviromentalist Druid, Fatty-Cookie is fat, so he must be Smedley, and Slippy-Cookie it then the rogue.

Thanks so much!

-MakoStreak


	3. Attempt Number ONE!

**Attempt One**

Gegnar struck the dented, tarnished metal bell as hard as he could. The lightly armored troop of little children did not shut up as planned. He struck again. Nothing. Finally, after bludgeoning the metal bell, he sighed. "Mako, you're good with kids, go do something…"

He didn't really except Mako to understand, considering that Mako rarely understood anything other than "Cookie!" But to his surprise, Mako nodded serenely and somberly.

She walked out to the children at a squat-crouch stance. As she reached the first pair of Paladin-children, she took both of them by their arms and pried them apart. "Tokie, tokie, tokie, wuchie toki coo toki coo cookie," she said calmly in a sing-song voice that rose and fell in pitch. Surprisingly, they shut up. Mako went around, repeating "Tokie, tokie, tokie, wuchie toki coo toki coo cookie" to all the children. They shut up!

Gegnar was speechless. Now, Mako stood before all the now-calm children. She raised her hands in the hair and began to chant "Tokie, tokie, tokie, wuchie toki coo toki coo cookie." As she sang, she waved her arms left-down, and swayed them to right-down, and then back to up. The children all followed her cue and began to sing along.

Gegnar watched, mesmerized as the whole Troop Eaglet continued to sing… Then Mako stopped, and they bowed to one another. She grinned insanely and went back to scratching her ear with her foot.

The troop erupted into chaos.

* * *

Yeah, I know that was short. Sorry about the long wait. Anyways,aside note,the Tokie tokie tokie wuchie toki coo toki coo cookie little dancewas inspired by a performance by the kindergarten choir- it was so cute I just had to do something like it. Of course, they weren't singing Mako's song or anything, but it was so cute.

Thanks for reading!Please leave a review, even if it's just "Nice story."

Thank you!

-Mako-Streak


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